Texas Rebels--Paxton Page 14

  He put them out of his mind as he hurried to call Remi. Getting comfortable on the bed, his cell buzzed.

  It was Remi.

  “Hey, beautiful. What’s up?”

  “I know your schedule is packed and I don’t want you to worry, but Ms. Baxter called and said the judge is going to make the decision about Annie. I can handle it. I’ll call and let you know if we have a daughter.”

  “That’s sooner than we expected.”

  “Yes. I’m hoping that’s a good sign.”

  “I should be there.”

  “I understand you have commitments and I’m fine. As soon as the hearing is over, I’ll call you.”

  “Remi...”

  “I’m fine.”

  Paxton wasn’t so sure. She sounded nervous, but she was stronger now. Maybe she could handle it if the judge awarded custody to the Wallaces. At that thought he wondered if he could. Long after they ended the call, he lay in bed and wished he could be in two places at one time. Because he knew one thing—Remi didn’t need to be alone when she heard the decision whether it was good or bad. By morning he had it figured out.

  He woke Cole and Dakota at 5:00 a.m. They’d returned to the trailer right after he had so they’d had enough sleep.

  Cole crawled out of bed, blinking his eyes. “It’s still dark outside. What’s the deal?”

  “I have to go to Houston.”

  “What!” Cole was wide-awake now.

  Dakota sat up. “Oh, man, that girl has you tied up in knots.”

  “It’s about the baby. The judge is going to award custody and I have to be there if things go wrong.” He’d told his friends about Annie and his and Remi’s hopes of adopting her.

  Paxton squatted to show them his phone. “Here’s the plan. We’re going to leave here and drive to Cole’s dad’s ranch. We’ll hook the travel trailer to Cole’s truck and y’all can go on to Oklahoma. I’ll travel to Houston to see what’s happening and meet you guys in Oklahoma in time for the rodeo.”

  “Okay.” Cole scratched his head. “What are y’all gonna do if you don’t get custody?”

  “I don’t know.” He would just be there for Remi because it was going to be hard on both of them.

  Going to pick up Cole’s truck was a little out of the way, but Paxton made it to Remi’s apartment before noon. He was hoping she was home. He pulled out his phone and called her.

  “Where are you?”

  “I just got out of the shower from therapy. Why?”

  “Open the door.”

  “Paxton.”

  “Open the door.” The door swung open and all she had on was a towel. Her hair was wet and combed back from her face and for a moment he couldn’t catch his breath. He’d seen her like this so many times and it still revved up his blood pressure a few notches. Forgetting everything else, he took her in his arms and kissed her until they were both breathless.

  “I love this kind of surprise,” she whispered into his neck.

  Over her shoulder he could see the couch and on it was a pink-and-white baby outfit with shoes, a big bow, a blanket and several other things. “Been shopping, huh?” he asked.

  She turned in the circle of his arms to stare at the couch. “Oh. I bought some things for Annie. She’s outgrowing everything.”

  She leaned against him, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her damp body close to his. Once again everything else was forgotten and he did what every cowboy would do in this situation. He swung her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. Nothing was said for some time.

  Scooting up against the headboard, he noticed her closet. All the high heels were gone. “What happened to the shoes?”

  Remi cuddled against him. “I took them to the nurses at the hospital and they went crazy over them. I’m glad someone is going to use them now. I kept my boots, though.”

  He nibbled on her lips. “You’re about the sweetest thing ever. When I kiss you, I can taste it.”

  Remi laughed and it was good to hear that sound because he had a feeling it was going to be a long day. “Have you heard anything else from Ms. Baxter?” His stomach tied into one big knot. The judge’s decision had to go the way they’d planned. Their whole future depended on it.

  She played with the hair on his chest. “No.”

  That one word sounded so forlorn and his heart took a hit. They needed a diversion. “I’m hungry. Have you got anything to eat?”

  She lifted an eyebrow. “You’re always ravenous.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She climbed out of bed with a smile and reached for a T-shirt. “Mom brought over a casserole. I think she’s afraid I might starve ’cause she’s always bringing food.”

  Reaching for his jeans, he said, “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  With everything on the table, they sat down to eat. Little was said during the meal. He asked about therapy and Remi told him how well she was doing. There was a tension and awkwardness in her voice. It was clear she was very nervous about the decision and he had to bring it up.

  He leaned back in his chair. “Honey, we have to be prepared.”

  She smiled at him. “That’s the first time you’ve called me honey.”

  “Well, you are my honey.”

  “Yes, I am.” She leaned across the table to kiss him and he wanted to go on kissing her, but he was getting sidetracked.

  “Whatever happens, you and I are still a couple. You and I are still in love. You and I still have a future.” He wanted her to understand that.

  She sat back with a thoughtful expression on her pretty face. “I can handle this, Paxton. But I know Annie belongs with us. They have to do the right thing.”

  “Honey...” He wanted her to be prepared, but he just couldn’t burst her bubble. Besides, he wanted Annie, too, and he was praying with everything in him that Remi’s positive attitude would help.

  They spent the night in each other’s arms and by morning they were ready to face whatever happened. Weeks of wondering and worrying had come down to this, and soon they would know if Annie would be their little girl.

  * * *

  AS THEY STEPPED into the family court room Remi was surprised at all the people standing around talking as if this was a social event. They sat by Ms. Baxter and she told them after they were called it would only take a few minutes.

  Judge Frances Tomlin heard case after case, seemingly fair but without emotion. Remi supposed she had to distance herself and keep a clear head. Suddenly her stomach roiled with anxiety and she reached for Paxton’s hand to steady herself.

  He squeezed it. “Stay calm.”

  Her stomach eased a little.

  “Are your parents coming?”

  “No. I told them I would call when it was over.”

  It seemed like forever before Annie’s name was called. Remi and Paxton walked with Ms. Baxter to stand before the judge on the left. Jim and Kelly Wallace stood on the right with their attorney. Ms. Connors was also there in case the judge wanted to ask questions, Ms. Baxter had said.

  “This has been a very difficult decision,” the judge said. “Annie is a lucky little girl to have two families who want her. But, sadly, only one can raise her. In light of all the information provided by CPS and upon their recommendation, I’m awarding permanent custody of minor child, Anne Neal, to Jim and Kelly Wallace.”

  “I’m sorry, Remi,” Ms. Baxter said. “We can appeal.”

  Paxton’s arm went around her waist and she stood numb, unable to believe the judge’s words.

  No! No! No!

  Her stomach cramped into a hard ball and she had difficulty breathing. They’d given Annie to someone else. Tears welled up at the backs of her eyes and her right hand curled into a fist. She wanted to strike Ms. Baxter, but
her hand remained by her side. She wanted to scream and say how unfair it was, but she did none of those things. Paxton’s arm tightened around her waist and a calmness came over her. A shaky breath escaped her throat.

  “May I see her one last time?” she asked, and she didn’t recognize her own voice. She prayed she could get through this without breaking down. There was no way she would cry in the courtroom in front of everyone.

  Ms. Baxter turned to face the judge. “My client has a right to say goodbye.”

  “So ordered,” the judge decreed.

  Remi, Paxton and Ms. Baxter followed Ms. Connors down the hall to a small room where Annie was waiting to go home with her new parents. A sob caught in her throat.

  Annie lay in a carrier, kicking out with her feet and hands. Her hair was blond like her mother’s and her green eyes she’d inherited from her daddy. Remi wondered if she would ever know those things. Annie smiled when she saw Remi and once again tears stung the backs of her eyes. She gritted her teeth and lifted Annie from the carrier.

  “Hi, precious.” Remi sat in a chair, and Annie laid her head on Remi’s shoulder for a moment.

  Paxton squatted beside them, and Annie raised her head to look at him. He tickled her stomach and she let out a low giggle. “Hi, little angel.” Annie waved a hand at him. “I think she remembers me.”

  “I think she does, too.” Remi held her a little tighter because she had to say something that was going to hurt. Not Annie, but her. “You’re going to a new home and you’ll have a new mommy and daddy.” Remi kissed her cheek and placed a hand on Annie’s stomach. “But in your little heart I hope you will have a memory of someone who loved you dearly.” She stood up with Annie in her arms and placed her back in the carrier. Ms. Connors watched but she didn’t say a word. Remi wanted to say so many things, but she kissed Annie one more time and walked over to where the Wallaces were standing.

  “I have some things of her mother’s and father’s Annie might like when she gets older.”

  The dark-haired woman replied, “Thank you, that’s so nice of you. But Annie is our daughter now and we’re starting fresh without memories from the past. We’re thinking of changing her name, too.”

  “What? Her mother gave her that name.” Anger boiled through Remi, but she held her tongue.

  The woman stiffened. “I’m her mother now.”

  Paxton took her arm and led her from the room. Ms. Connors stood near the door and Paxton paused to speak to her. Remi kept walking. She couldn’t even speak to the woman, but she could hear Paxton’s words. “You made a mistake, lady. Have you spent any time with that couple in there? If you had, you would’ve seen that the woman is wound so tight she’s about to fly out of the room and the man is stiff. Have you seen him smile?”

  “I beg your pardon.”

  “Keep begging, lady. I’m telling you you’ve made the wrong recommendation.”

  Their words trailed away, and Remi sat in a chair at the end of the hall near glass windows looking out onto the busy Houston traffic. It was all a blur, though, as her world came crashing down around her. The pain shot through her like a million tiny needles, piercing, throbbing, aching until there was nothing left but pain—deep searing pain. She wrapped her arms around her waist to stop the assault. Her fairy tale had disappeared in a cloud of dust. It filled her nostrils with regrets. All the pretending, the lovemaking and the joy of knowing Paxton was over, too. She had to let him go.

  Paxton slid into the chair next to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m getting there.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I know,” she said, and looked at his beautiful face. He was her fantasy. Her dream guy. Her fantasy had come true for a few months, and it had been all a dream—a beautiful dream.

  “I know it hurts. I’m hurting, too, but we can get through this together. Later, we’ll get married and adopt a house full of kids and you’ll love them just as much, and this pain will be a vague memory.”

  Her stomach cramped again and she swallowed hard to say the words she had to. “No. That will never happen.”

  He drew back, confused. “Why not?”

  The truth. The truth. There was nothing so cruel as the truth.

  She drew a deep breath. “Annie was my last hope—the child of my heart. I kept believing that love was all we needed. I was a fool.”

  “Remi...”

  She shifted to look at him. “Don’t say that my inability to have children doesn’t matter.”

  “Let’s talk about it.”

  She shook her head and it took every ounce of courage she had to say the next words. “There’s nothing to talk about. Whatever we had is over.”

  His eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Come on, Remi. You don’t mean that. Our love is about more than Annie.”

  “One day you’ll want kids of your own. Maybe not today, but in the years ahead you’ll see your brothers and their families and you’ll want what they have. Trust me, every man wants a family.”

  He cupped her face with his hands, and she wanted to give in, to accept everything he was offering. “I love you and I want a life with you. Why can’t you understand that? A child doesn’t matter, but if you decide we need a child, we can adopt. We can have a child, Remi.”

  “But you can have your own and I’m not taking that from you. I love you too much to do that. You deserve everything that life offers. I’m broken and there’s no way to fix me. I—”

  “To me you’re not broken. You’re my love. My one and only love. Remember I said at your apartment that whatever happened we would still love each other. We would still have a future.”

  Her strength was waning and it took an effort to respond. “I let myself dream that with Annie our lives would be perfect, and not being able to have a child wouldn’t matter. We would have Annie. But it does matter. It matters a great deal.” She reached in her purse and pulled out her key ring. Removing a key, she added, “This is my apartment key so you can remove your things. It’s over. It really is over. We should have never gotten involved in the first place. There were too many obstacles in our way. All of this is on me. I was weak. I wanted it all, and I apologize for that. Goodbye, Paxton...” She got to her feet, and he grabbed her hand.

  “I’ll never say goodbye to you. Never.”

  An errant tear escaped and she brushed it away quickly and handed him the key. He wouldn’t take it so she laid it on a chair and walked as fast as she could to the women’s bathroom across the hall. She slid down the tiled wall, weak and unable to stand on her own. Her body trembled and she wrapped her arms around her raised knees. It was over. As the impact hit her, she cursed life, the accident and love for ripping her heart out. Then she let the tears she’d been holding in flow freely. She cried for Paxton. She cried for herself. And she cried for the life they would never have.

  After a few minutes, she got to her feet and went to the sink to wash her face. She dabbed at her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d lost everything and she wondered what she was supposed to do now. She’d been telling Paxton that she was stronger and now she had to prove it. Walking out of this bathroom and into a new life would be one of the hardest things she would ever have to do. But she was a survivor. If she had learned anything in the past few months, it was that she could go on. Without tears. Maybe a few regrets. But she would go on.

  Without Paxton.

  Chapter Fourteen

  How could she do this? kept running through Paxton’s head as he drove to Remi’s apartment. She wouldn’t even give them a chance. She just said, no, it was over. How could she do that to him? He parked at her apartment and slammed the steering wheel with his hand.

  “Damn it!” He sat there for a moment trying to believe that what just happened had happened. As he thought about it, the ange
r in him subsided. He knew her so well. She was trying to give him what she thought he deserved. A family. A baby. When she lost Annie, all her defenses went back up. Everything depended on Annie—her life, her future. Their future.

  He could only imagine the pain she went through when they’d told her she would never have children. Today those words were spoken all over again inside her heart. She was shutting everyone out, including him. He couldn’t reach her. The only thing he could do now was to give her time. He wasn’t giving up on them.

  As he went into the apartment, he noticed the baby things on the sofa. And there was the crib and all of Annie’s stuff in her bedroom. She didn’t need to see that when she came home. He went to the nightstand and found her address book. He called her father and told him what had happened.

  “I just thought you might want to take all of the baby things out of her apartment.”

  “Yes, I’ll do that, but first I have to find my daughter and make sure she’s okay. I’ll take her home to her mother. Thank you, Paxton.”

  “Just take care of her.”

  Paxton stared down at the boots in front of him. He was still getting her a pair for her birthday. For sizing, he picked up a pair of black leather boots to take with him. In the living room he grabbed his bag, which he hadn’t even unpacked. He took one last look around the apartment where he’d found love and happiness. And now it was over.

  It didn’t take him long to find a FedEx store to ship a package to Kincaid Boots. There were so many boots in her closet he wondered if she would even miss them. He turned the truck toward I-35 and Oklahoma, leaving everything he loved behind. His dad had always said that big boys and cowboys don’t cry. A tear fell onto his shirt. His dad had lied. This hurt. This hurt like hell.

  He drove on through the night, stopping only once for gas. It was still dark when he pulled up to the trailer and the rodeo arena parking area. He unlocked the door and went inside. Cole and Dakota were sound asleep on the sofa bed. Walking down the hall, exhaustion pulled at him.