Son of Texas (Count on a Cop) Page 24

  “Pa, I’m sure Caddo will take that into consideration and thank you for thinking of him.”

  Caddo flashed one of his grins and Mason remained standing, clearing his throat. “I have an announcement to make. Lorna and I are getting married.”

  Complete, total silence followed the statement.

  Ashley was the first to speak. “Please don’t do it because you feel it’s something I want. It won’t bring me home.”

  Lorna rose to stand by Mason. “We’re getting married because we want to. We should have done it when my divorce was final. I can see that now.”

  “Hot damn. Here’s to family.” Boone raised his wineglass. “Never planned a family like this, but what the hell, you take what you’re given.” Then he added in his usual Boone fashion, “You kids better make me proud.”

  “Or we’ll all be disinherited,” Mason quipped, and they all laughed. They laughed as a family and they recognized that.

  Ashley didn’t talk to her parents alone, but Josie knew it was only a matter of time. Slowly but surely the Becketts were learning how to forgive and live together.

  When Josie reached Lencha’s, she wasn’t sleepy so she turned on her computer. She saw Caleb’s message immediately. Without thinking, her hand touched the screen.

  I miss you.

  No. She had to stop this. Maybe a part of her was always going to need Caleb. Oh God, what was she going to do?

  A COUPLE OF NIGHTS LATER Josie and Eric sat in Lencha’s living room watching a movie. Lencha had been called out on a birth.

  Eric played with her hair. “When are you going to move in with me?”

  They’d talked about this several times and she still hadn’t made up her mind. Instead of being positive about her life, she was having negative thoughts and she didn’t understand what was going on with her.

  She’d had a long conversation with Dr. Oliver and she explained that confusion was all part of the process of memory recall. She advised her to take it slow and to let everything happen naturally. In time, the confusion would leave and she’d be certain about her decisions, her life.

  Eric kissed the side of her face. “We can look at houses if you want.”

  She rested her head against him. “I’m not sure.” She had to be honest.

  “Okay.” He curled her hair around his finger. “Whenever you’re ready.”

  It was July and she had on a sleeveless tank top. Eric’s hand slid from her neck to her back and she instinctively pulled away.

  Eric frowned. “You always do that.”

  “What?”

  “Pull away when I touch your back. I know what you’ve been through and it won’t bother me to see your scars.”

  “It’s just…” She couldn’t explain it to herself. Due to Lencha’s herbal salves, the scars were much better, less noticeable. But something was holding her back.

  Eric clicked off the TV. “What is it, Josie?”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “We haven’t been intimate because you said you needed time and I’ve respected that. But it’s been weeks and nothing has changed.”

  “I’m trying. I really am.”

  “You shouldn’t have to try.” He stood in an angry movement, then he took a deep breath. “We need to face some truths.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Have you ever allowed Caleb to touch your back?”

  Her eyes flew to his and words stalled in her throat.

  He ran a hand through his hair. “Whether you want to admit it or not, this is about Caleb.”

  “He brought me back from that black abyss of complete emotional despair. That’s it.”

  “And for the past year he’s been an anchor in your life.”

  “Yes.” She brushed her hair away from her face.

  He sat down beside her. “The truth is, Josie, that we’re trying to recapture something that isn’t there anymore. A year apart has changed both of us. You’re different.”

  She chewed on the inside of her lip. “How?”

  “We used to do silly things like walk in the rain. We even danced in the rain and we laughed and joked and enjoyed each other’s company. Your eyes would light up when you saw me, but now, well…”

  “I…” She wanted to explain, to give him a reason, but there wasn’t one. Their lives were different now. He was different, too.

  “Don’t say you’ll try again because that’s not what I want.”

  She blinked back a tear. “You’re right. I’ve been trying to accept my life, but it’s not my life anymore. Through pain and suffering I’ve changed so much.” She reached out and touched his face. “I do love you, though.”

  “But you’re not in love with me anymore.”

  She bit down on her lip. “No. I’m sorry.” It was a lightbulb moment. She’d read so much about PTSD that she’d allowed her real feelings to be overshadowed by her past. She wasn’t making that inner connection with herself. Lencha saw it, but she didn’t. It took Eric to show her that she shouldn’t have to try to love someone. It should happen naturally. Maybe that’s what Dr. Oliver had been trying to tell her.

  Eric took her in his arms and held her. “Don’t be. I’ll survive.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Just decide what you want. That’s what you have to do now.”

  Josie went to bed feeling lower than she had in a long time. She’d hurt Eric and she hadn’t wanted to do that. But she was so mixed-up and she needed time alone to sort through what she was feeling, to establish that inner connection to her emotions.

  She wouldn’t allow herself to think about Caleb.

  THE NEXT DAY SHE PACKED her things and said goodbye to Lencha and the Becketts. They all seemed to understand that she needed time alone and they knew she’d return to visit. But, like her parents, she had to leave Beckett to find true happiness.

  She knew that now, and she said a tearful goodbye to Eric.

  She drove to her parents’ home in Corpus, her safe haven, the place she always went to solve her problems. Before Caleb. Although her parents weren’t there, she felt a serenity and a calmness she needed to make decisions about her life, to find the real Joscelyn Marie Beckett.

  At night she indulged herself with candy bars and warm milk and allowed herself to think about Caleb. Did he love her? What was real love? She’d thought that she’d loved Eric, thought it was the real thing. But time had changed her feelings. So if she gave it time these all-consuming feelings she had for Caleb would change, too. She just had to wait.

  By the second week, she realized if she kept eating chocolate bars and drinking milk she was going to become a blimp. So she visited with old friends of her parents and friends from high school and college. She also stopped in at the police department where she’d worked and spent an evening catching up. Soon she’d have to find a job and the lieutenant said to just let him know when she was ready.

  August turned into September and she hadn’t made any real choices about her life. She cleaned the house and yard until she was exhausted, but the exhaustion didn’t bring any peace or answers.

  Brushing her long hair, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hand stilled and she looked at herself.

  “Who are you?” she asked the woman in the mirror.

  She’d thought she just had to regain her memory and she’d know who she was. But she didn’t. She was still a mismatched piece of furniture that didn’t fit anywhere—not in Beckett, or the Silver Spur, or here.

  Who was she?

  Josie Belle. Josie Belle. Josie Belle.

  The name floated through her head like a chord of music that drew attention. That’s who she was—part Josie, part Belle. Because of what had happened beyond her control Belle would always be a part of her. That’s who she was now. She suddenly realized why she felt so out of place. She wasn’t the same person anymore. Eric had told her that. And now she knew it was true.

  She was Josie Belle and Caleb was a big part of her. Stil
l something held her back. Her old nemesis, fear—fear of him not loving her. She realized something else, too—she’d never been afraid to take risks. Why was she now? After much soul-searching she knew what she wanted. And she was going after it.

  Josie Belle was going home.

  CALEB ENTERED his apartment stretching his shoulders. He was dog-tired and he just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a solid eight hours. Most of the day he’d spent interrogating a murder suspect in a drug deal gone bad. That was the initial suspicion, but after further investigating it seemed the two men were involved with the same woman. Now they believed the shooting had nothing to do with the drugs. One man had figured out a way to get rid of the other. The woman had admitted that the shooter was in a jealous rage. Now they’d let a jury decide.

  Caleb plopped down on the sofa and threw his hat into the chair across from him. Two men. One woman. Wasn’t that familiar? But he held no ill will toward Eric. He’d wished them the best and he’d meant it. And he was moving on. He’d bumped into an old girlfriend at the dry cleaners who now lived in Austin. She’d just gone through a divorce and was very friendly. He might just give her a call.

  But not tonight.

  Probably never.

  Removing his gun and his badge, he laid them on the end table. He reached to pull off his boots when the doorbell rang. Had to be his brothers. He wished they’d stop trying to cheer him up and stop worrying about him. Maybe it was time to tell them to back off and give him some space. He had to get that point across to his mom and dad, too. He was fine and he had to make them believe it.

  He yanked open the door. “This…” The rest of the sentence fizzled into a puff of air. Josie stood there in dark slacks and a white sleeveless top that showed off her slim arms and heavenly, touchable skin. She was smiling—that smile that made him forget everything but her.

  “Hi, Caleb.”

  “Josie.” He looked past her for Eric and didn’t see him.

  “May I come in?”

  “Oh, oh, sure.” He stepped back, feeling a little dazed. What was she doing here? Maybe she was here to do some wedding shopping with Gertie. That’s the last thing he needed—to talk about her wedding. “Eric not with you?”

  “No. I’m alone.”

  “Visiting Gertie?” He was fishing for answers but he wasn’t getting any.

  “You could say that. I dropped my things at her house about an hour ago. I’ve been driving around trying to get up enough nerve to see you.”

  “Oh.”

  She licked her lips. “I just need that warm glass of milk in person.”

  “Oh.”

  “Eric and I broke up.”

  He shoved both hands through his hair, wondering if she was a mirage of his tired mind. “Excuse me?”

  “We broke up. I tried to fit back into my old life, but I’ve changed. I’m not in love with Eric anymore.”

  “You’re not?”

  She moved to within touching distance. “No. I’m not Josie Marie Beckett anymore, either. Took me a long time to realize that. I’m Josie Belle and she’s in love with someone else.”

  He took a deep breath. “Josie, my heart is running about as fast as a Formula One racing car, so please put me out of my misery.”

  “I love you, Caleb McCain, probably from the first moment I heard your voice.”

  He grabbed her then and held her so tight he could feel her heart beating against his. “Oh, Josie Belle, tell me I’m not dreaming.”

  “You’re not.” She kissed his chin, his jaw and he took her lips in a sensual explosion of need.

  The kiss eased the heartache and pain and went on as they explored and tasted each other in ways they’d been afraid to before. His hands traveled beneath her top and caressed her breasts, her skin until she moaned softly. He cupped her face, kissing her repeatedly. “I love you. I love you so much.”

  “Show me.” She breathed raggedly, holding nothing back. This was natural, this was right. And she knew without a doubt that this was love. The real thing. The forever kind.

  He swung her up into his arms, carried her into the darkened room and laid her on the bed. She stood on her knees and stripped out of her blouse and bra. His hands ran freely over her skin, her nipples and the fire of need began to rage out of control. A need too long ignored. A need too long denied. Her hands quickly unfastened the buttons on his shirt and peeled it from his strong shoulders. Her lips tasted the heat of his skin and they hurriedly slipped out of their remaining clothes.

  The boots took a while, but she didn’t mind. Her lips explored the strong column of his neck and back. He turned and slid onto the bed beside her, holding her with hands that felt like velvet. He kissed and stroked every part of her and her hands were equally at work on him. Moans and sighs filled the room in a prelude to a crescendo that Josie needed as a woman. A woman loved by Caleb.

  Their sweat-bathed bodies welded together, lips on lips, heart against heart as Caleb slid into her with a gentle thrust that throbbed, rocked and exploded into a wonderful spasm of pure delight that rippled through her whole body.

  “I love you, Josie Belle,” he cried a moment before he joined her in that incredible sensation of fulfillment.

  Caleb had to take a couple of deep breaths before he could do anything but just feel. Sex had never been like this before, total, complete with a woman he loved. He was never going to be the same again. He would be better.

  She ran her hand across his damp shoulder and he stared into her eyes. The bedroom light was off and he reached up to turn it on so he could see her fully. “You’re more beautiful than I ever imagined.”

  She smiled that gorgeous smile. “So are you.” Her hand trailed through the hair on his chest and lower. He caught her hand.

  “I can’t think when you do that.”

  “Do you need to think?”

  He grinned. “Tell me what happened—quickly.”

  She sat up and told him everything that had happened since he’d left.

  “I was trying too hard for something that should come naturally and Eric picked up on it. We had to admit the relationship wasn’t working.”

  “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, but I wanted you to be happy.”

  She looked into his eyes. “I am now that I’ve sorted out my feelings, past and present.”

  He gently pushed her long hair over her shoulder and his eyes went to the scars on her back. They weren’t as pronounced as before.

  “Lencha’s salves are working.”

  “Yes, and I brought some with me and I promised her that I would use it daily. But my back is hard to reach. I’ll need someone to help me.” Her eyes sparkled.

  “You found him. Where is it? I’ll do it now.”

  “It’s at Gertie’s.”

  “Mmm. Guess this’ll have to do for tonight.” He lavished the scars with his tongue and lips. She had no problem with Caleb seeing or touching her scars. He was her soul mate—her other half.

  She turned into his arms with a groan. “I can’t talk when you do that.”

  “Let’s don’t talk or think.”

  “Deal.”

  EPILOGUE

  JOSIE ADJUSTED THE PEARLS that had belonged to her mother around her neck—a gift from Brett. These days she knew exactly who she was. The doubts, fears and insecurities had completely vanished. She was a strong, resilient woman who could love and accept love. She’d been through hell and had found heaven.

  I will always love you was being sung in the church as the guests waited for the bride to appear. She listened for a moment knowing she would love Caleb forever. They had the kind of love her parents had—deep and everlasting.

  For a split second it crossed her mind that if Rhonda hadn’t shot her, she would never have met Caleb. She shivered at the thought. Her life would have been so empty, but she didn’t have to worry. Her life was now full and happy with a man she loved.

  She’d found a job at an Austin police station and she and Caleb had b
ought a house not far out of town, between his work and hers. After they returned from their honeymoon, they’d start their life together in their own home.

  They had talked about where to have the wedding and decided they’d have it in a small church outside of Austin. Althea and Andrew didn’t object to their decision. They just wanted them to be happy.

  The room was full of family and friends. Vin, Caleb’s aunt, Althea and Gertie sat on a sofa talking. Lencha was fussing over Josie’s cathedral-length veil, making sure all the pearls were sewn in place. A couple had come loose at Marie’s wedding. Lencha’s hair was pinned up and she wore a navy-blue suit, very different from the Lencha she was accustomed to. Lencha wanted this day to be perfect. Josie did, too.

  The door opened and a pretty, strawberry blonde came in. “Reverend Carpenter said you have ten minutes.”

  “Thank you, Macy,” Althea said, getting up from the sofa. Caroline, Grace, Elise and Ashley were making last-minute touch-ups to their face and hair.

  “You look absolutely beautiful,” Macy said to Josie.

  “Thank you.”

  Macy was helping Althea with a lot of the arrangements, especially the rehearsal supper last night, and Josie could see why Beau was waiting patiently for her. Macy was sweet and energetic, but Josie sensed that Macy had a secret. It was probably just her cop instincts.

  “Macy, would you please go over to the men’s dressing room and tell the guys that the Reverend wants them at the front of the church.”

  “Yes, Althea.”

  “And, Macy,” Elise called. “Would you please remind Jake that Ben needs to come over here. And it’s about time for him to walk Aunt Vin down the aisle.”

  “Will do.” Macy glanced at Josie. “Congratulations. You’re getting one of the nicest guys around.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  “Now it’s time to put on your veil,” Caroline said. Elise and Ashley brought it over and Grace helped to hold the long train.

  As Caroline worked to pin it into Josie’s hair, Katie walked up in her white dress. She was the flower girl and very proud of her duties. “I couldn’t wear the dress I wore in Uncle Eli and Aunt Caroline’s wedding. It’s too small. I got big.”