Texas Rebels--Paxton Page 5

  Her eyes were enormous in her pale face. “How do you know that?”

  He saw no reason not to be honest. “My mother told me.”

  “You asked or was it a topic of conversation?”

  He rubbed his hands together. “I asked because I was curious as to why a girl stubbornly refuses to admit she’s not completely well.”

  She pulled her coat tighter around her. “You know, you’re very pushy.”

  “And charming.” He smiled his best smile and her lips twitched. Maybe she did have a sense of humor.

  “Mmm. It’s a long story and you said you have to get back to work.”

  He stretched out his legs and crossed his boots at the ankles. “I’ve decided to take some time.”

  “You’re not going to stop, are you?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Since you were so nice opening the chute and helping me in Port Aransas, I’ll tell you. But I want you to know I’m not completely stupid. I had my phone and was going to call the hotel to ask for help.”

  “That’s good to know.” But his guess was she would have struggled for hours before doing that.

  “I told you my parents are very protective. They don’t seem to think I can live my life on my own and I’ve tried hard to be independent. I have my own apartment, a good job, and I don’t take any money from them. But they still can’t help trying to take care of me.”

  She shoved her hands into her pockets as if the next part was difficult. “I was dating this guy, Chuck, and my parents didn’t like him. We were arguing about it one day at my apartment when I was getting ready to go out with him. Finally, I ran out the door and jumped on the back of his motorcycle and we sped off—to hell.”

  She drew a deep breath. “Riding away I felt selfish and immature like a fifteen-year-old. Instead of talking to my parents like an adult, I was running away. I wanted to go back and apologize. That’s when I smelled the pot. I asked Chuck to stop so I could get off. He just laughed.”

  She took another quick breath. “It started to rain and the motorcycle hit a patch of oil and hydroplaned. All I remember was the screaming and the pain. I woke up in a hospital a week later with my Mom, Dad and Gran around my bed. They looked so worried and I didn’t understand what was going on for a second and then it all came rushing back.”

  He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. She seemed locked in that moment as if she was reliving all the pain and he hated now that he had pushed her.

  “You don’t have to tell me anymore,” he said quietly.

  She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I just have these waves of thinking maybe I do need my parents to watch over me. And then I remember I’m a grown woman and I can’t stay their little girl forever. I have to live my own life even if I make big mistakes. And I’m paying for that mistake.”

  She took a moment. “When I learned about my injuries, I couldn’t believe it. I had a broken collarbone, a fractured arm, my ribs were fractured. There were internal injuries, too. But the worst injury was to my left leg. The motorcycle landed on my leg, burned and crushed my knee. The surgeon wanted to amputate above the knee and my father, who’s a hospital administrator, called in a more qualified orthopedic surgeon. He did a total knee replacement and ran a rod up my thighbone and into my shinbone to hold the knee in place. It worked and I’d never been so happy in my whole life.”

  She paused again. “A lot of the muscle above my knee was gone and we waited to see if more tissue would grow back. Some did. They did skin grafts to help close the wound. Then I had to wait for the wound to heal. After many weeks, they finally stood me up. It was painful, but I made myself do it. Every day I got a little better and I kept hoping I would one day be back to normal. I’d gotten a miracle and I was grateful for that. I knew my leg would never be the way it was, but at least I had my leg. I will never be able to wear a bathing suit or high heels or shorts again, though.”

  “Does that matter?”

  She lifted an eyebrow. “To an almost-twenty-eight-year-old woman it does. But I can’t go back and change things so I have to accept the way things are.”

  He reached out to touch her cheek. She didn’t pull away or seem infuriated that he dared to touch her. It was just an impulse and in her eyes he saw she understood. “I think you’re awesome with or without high heels or skimpy shorts.”

  “You’re flirting.” Her lips turned into a refreshing smile.

  “Yeah.” He sat up straight. “I’m a master at that.”

  “Mmm.” A flurry of honking made her look toward the pond, where the geese were beginning to fight. “Henry’s letting them know he’s boss.” The geese flapped their wings, batting at each other like boxers, stirring up the water.

  Paxton watched them for a minute, until Henry swam to shore to sit near Henny. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to go through.”

  “Thank you,” she murmured, not looking at him.

  “I’m still curious about a couple of things. Why are your parents so protective of you?”

  “When my mom left Horseshoe with me, she was so afraid Uncle Ira would try to kidnap me because he refused to let Ruger go with us. I think she still fears one day he’ll take me away from her like he did my brother.”

  “After all these years, I doubt it.”

  “My mom and I don’t talk about it anymore. She gets so upset as I don’t agree with her point of view. I didn’t live through all the pain and I tell her all the time that I’m an adult now and I can stay or go anywhere I want.”

  “Good for you.”

  The wind had picked up and again she gathered her coat closer around her. “Did I answer all your questions?” she asked mischievously.

  It was good to see her in a better mood and her smile was infectious, making him forget what he wanted to ask her. Almost. “No. I still don’t understand why it’s hard for you to admit you’re not completely well.”

  She shifted nervously on the bench. “I told you it was a long story.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “My best friend was Holly. We went to grade school and high school together, but we went to different colleges and lost touch for a while. She got married and I was dating. After college I started applying for jobs, and I got one at a small private school as a pre-K teacher. It was ironic that Holly was also a pre-K teacher in that same school. We were so excited to see each other again and became inseparable. Her husband was in the marines and was gone all the time. We spent most evenings together going over our classroom plans or going out to eat or walking for exercise. I helped her decorate a nursery and she was ecstatic that Derek was going to come home for the birth.”

  Remi took a long breath. “When I was in the hospital, she came every day to see me. I went home the day before Thanksgiving and she still came all the way out to my parents’ house to visit. Then one day she didn’t come. I thought she had to run errands or something. The next day she didn’t come, either, and I asked my mom to check on her. My mom and dad walked into my room and I knew something was wrong by the expressions on their faces. My mom said Holly had died.”

  She bit her lip and then continued. “Derek had been killed on his last mission in Afghanistan. When Holly got the news, she collapsed and went into labor. There were complications after delivering the baby, and she died. But then there was the baby. She was going to name her Anne, and call her Annie, after her mother, who had passed away when Holly was ten. The baby—” she took a gulp of air “—had a congenital heart defect that required surgery. I was there every day for Annie because I knew Holly would want me to be. I sat in a chair by her incubator and talked to her and told her about her parents and how much they loved and wanted her.”

  She gulped another breath. “Then one day a lady from Child Protective Services came to speak to me. She said since they coul
dn’t find a relative to take Annie, she’d become a ward of the state and they were putting her up for adoption. At that moment I knew I wanted to be Annie’s mother. Holly would have wanted that and I told the lady so. I contacted an attorney and filled out the appropriate forms, but my attorney told me not to get my hopes up because CPS was going to look at everything, especially my health. I would have to be completely well and able to care for Annie. The only problem was Annie got well before I did. I’m still in therapy and I didn’t want anyone at the hospital to know that. So I say I’m fine. I have to be. I can’t lose Annie.”

  Paxton now understood and wanted to take her in his arms and hold her. He’d never seen such a fighting spirit in one person. Not only was she fighting for herself, but for a little girl who needed a home.

  Before he could say anything, she started speaking again. “They’ve started the adoption process and my lawyer got a call from CPS. They asked for me to stay away from the hospital for a few days because couples were going to be visiting with Annie. You see, Annie already knows me and she gets excited when she sees me.”

  “Can’t they see that?” he asked.

  “It doesn’t matter. I have to be healthy to be a mother, as I’m told. I’m doing everything I can to make that happen, but I’m so afraid they’ll give Annie to someone else.”

  He leaned forward, his eyes on her. “Are you prepared for that?”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m not. I know in my heart that Annie belongs with me.”

  “I don’t know much about Child Protective Services or adoption. But I do know they always try to place kids into a happy home and that usually includes a couple. Sometimes that’s not completely true, but—”

  “I have to get Annie,” she said in a plaintive voice that gnawed at his insides. “She’s the child of my heart and the only child I’ll ever have.”

  That threw him. “What are you talking about?”

  She raised her head, her eyes sad, but there was strength behind all the sadness. “The accident took that from me, too. I’ll never be able to have a child of my own.”

  Oh, man. This was out of his realm of expertise. He didn’t know how to help her and it surprised him that he wanted to. But the magic words eluded him.

  She brushed back her short hair. “So you don’t have to worry about me falling for you. That won’t happen with you or any other man.”

  She had stunned him with her openness and he had no idea what to say. He had never talked to someone with this kind of problem before and a rawness ached in his gut at his ineptness. To break the awkward moment he said the only thing that came into his mind. “Why are you here at your gran’s instead of in therapy?”

  She huddled deeper in her coat as the wind grew chilly. “Well, I can’t be at the hospital, and I wanted to get my thoughts straight. Gran’s is my happy place. I brought my stationary bike and I still do all my exercises and stretches to continue my therapy. I will never stop that.”

  It occurred to him that if other couples were seeing the child, there was a good chance Remi wasn’t going to get custody. She needed to be prepared. That was what the fear he saw in her eyes in Port Aransas was about—the fear of losing Annie.

  She’d been through so much and still had hurdles to get over, but at the end she was hoping a little girl would be waiting for her. But...

  “I may be out of line, but are you prepared to be a single mom?”

  She stood up and glared at him. “You don’t think I would make a good mother?”

  “I’m not saying that.”

  “It is. You’re saying they’re not going to choose me as the mother because of my health?”

  He didn’t know how to tell her other than to be truthful. “I’m saying you need to think about it.”

  “I have, Paxton, and I’ll never believe Annie won’t be my daughter one day.” She got up and walked as quickly as she was able toward the house. She was running away from him. Sadie trotted beside her and he followed more slowly.

  Halfway to the house she fell. He ran to help her, but stopped. Remi needed help but she was so proud. He stood there wondering what to do and wondering how he got mixed up in all this. In her life. In her problems. In her pain. He took a deep breath and glanced to the left and saw a tree branch had fallen from an oak tree. He remembered when he was a kid and his grandmother had broken her ankle. She’d walked with a boot and a cane until it had healed.

  He broke off a limb and fished his pocket knife out of his jeans. Grandpa had taught all of his grandsons how to use one. “You can’t whittle unless your knife is sharp,” Grandpa had said. Paxton’s knife was always razor sharp.

  Carving off an end to make it smooth, he watched Remi. She wiped away tears and every time she did his gut tightened into a knot and he had trouble breathing. He hated to see her in so much pain. Especially because he had caused some of it.

  Scraping off the bark, he gave her time to cool down. He kept whittling until he had both ends smooth and the center trimmed and as clean as he could get it. He walked over to her.

  She stuck out her arms. “Go away, Paxton, and leave me alone.”

  He knelt in front of her. “I’m not going anywhere. I want you to understand that I think you would make the perfect mother for Annie, but I want you to be prepared to face whatever happens. That’s all I was saying.”

  “I’m sorry. I just get emotional about Annie.” She wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “What’s that?” She pointed to the stick in his hand.

  “It’s a stick I cut from the oak tree.”

  “I can see that. What’s it for?”

  “I want you to try something for me.”

  “What?”

  “Just don’t say no.”

  She took a moment to think about it. “Okay.”

  He scooted a little closer. “I want you to get your right leg under you and your left leg as close as you can and then I want you to put both hands on the stick and push down and lift yourself up from the ground.”

  The wind ruffled her hair and her eyes grew enormous. “You think I can do that?”

  “Without a doubt.” He smiled and, as in times past, he hoped it would work.

  The winter leaves swirled around them as she took her time to think. “Okay.” She slipped out of her jacket, leaned forward and put both hands on the cold ground and got her right leg beneath her. Her left leg stuck out to the side at a ninety-degree angle.

  “Lean in and put both of your hands on the stick.” He placed it in front of her. “One above the other and grip tightly and then push down with all of your strength.”

  She did as he’d said.

  “On the count of three I want you to push. One. Two. Three.”

  Her face scrunched into a frown and her arms tightened with all her strength and she pushed down. Paxton held his breath. But like magic she stood up. “I did it! I did it, Paxton!” She dropped the stick and threw her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest, trembling from head to toe.

  His left arm went around her waist to hold her steady and his right hand cradled her head. The moment she rested her head on his chest something happened inside him. He was trying to understand it. Somehow his heart had opened up and he’d let Remi inside. He’d never let anyone get that close, not even Lisa, and he had been prepared to marry her.

  When his dad had died he’d closed his heart with a steel door that no one could ever open. He never wanted to live through that kind of pain again. It was probably the main reason for his drinking, the girls and the parties. It was easy that way. His emotions weren’t involved.

  But standing in the cold wind holding Remi, he wanted to protect her, to take care of her and to be there for her always. It was a strange feeling for a man who’d always lived for himself and a good time. And Remi wasn’t
his type. He liked blondes—voluptuous blondes. But the small fragile woman leaning against him seemed to have some kind of hold over him.

  She wasn’t fragile, though. She had more strength than anyone he’d ever met. She was a bundle of fire, energy and femininity that echoed through his male body.

  The power of his feelings scared him. He never felt this way about a woman before. His instincts told him to run. But he didn’t want to hurt Remi...and he’d promised his mother.

  His conflicting thoughts went around and around in his head. Remi had problems and he wasn’t the type of man to handle life’s difficulties well. But then again, what did it matter when the heart was involved? He’d wanted to change, but he wasn’t sure he could change that much and be the man Remi needed. Not that she wanted him, but with a little effort on his part he knew their relationship could get serious. Did he run? Or did he stay?

  The trembling in Remi subsided and she leaned back, her eyes sparkling as bright as any stars he’d ever seen. “I did it. Do you know what that means?”

  That you’re burrowing so deep into my heart that I may never get you out.

  “I’m guessing it has something to do with Annie.”

  “Yes.” She caught the lapel of his jacket and pulled his head down to hers. Her lips touched his with a fire that blazed through his body. “Thank you for giving me the courage to get up off the ground and get on with my life. If I did it once, I can do it again. And again. That means I’m improving and my chances of getting Annie are better.” She smiled at him so sweetly that he was completely lost in feelings he wanted to deny, but he kept staring into her shining eyes. Running didn’t seem an option anymore.

  She reached down and picked up the stick. “I’m going to keep this forever.”

  “Have you ever thought of using a cane?”

  “Yes,” she answered with a bashful grin. “But the vanity thing got in the way. I didn’t want to look like an old woman. I mean, what guy would look at a woman with a cane?”

  “Do you want guys to look at you?” he asked with a touch of jealousy, which shocked him.