The Texan's Christmas Page 5

  At the question, she took several deep breaths as if to calm herself.

  “I’m worried about you,” he said when she remained silent, hoping to find a chink in that solid wall of steel she’d built around herself.

  She laughed, a sound that curdled his insides. “Worried about me? That’s rich.”

  He knew what she was talking about now. He didn’t have to ask—the past.

  “Okay. I screwed up. I’m…”

  “Don’t say the words and make a mockery of my intelligence. Just don’t say them.”

  She was full of anger and all of it was directed at him. “I know you’re upset, but it’s been twenty years.”

  “And I’ve lived every moment of it.”

  There was a lot of emotion behind those words that he didn’t understand. “What are you talking about?”

  “Just stay the hell out of my life.”

  She made to get in the pickup, but he held the door, very aware she still had the gun in her hand. “Come on, Lucky.”

  The supposed magical words didn’t have the old effect they used to. She eased back against the truck, her eyes as hard as he’d ever seen them.

  “I’m going to give you a good reason to stay out of my life.”

  “I know…”

  “You know nothing.” She waved the gun. “Do you remember saying ‘I love you, Lucky’? ‘We’ll get married. I’ll call. I’ll write. We’ll be together, I promise.’”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed hard. “I said all that and I meant it.”

  “Unfortunately, I thought you meant it, too.”

  “Lucky…”

  She raised the gun. “I’m not through talking. I waited every day for you to call, but you didn’t. When I left for Austin, I told Dad to contact me the moment you phoned. Stupid me, I actually believed you still would. I was so stressed out with you leaving and then not calling I didn’t realize I’d missed my period. Twice. I prayed I wasn’t pregnant, but I was—three months.”

  What! The ground beneath his feet moved.

  “I couldn’t call my dad or come home because I was ashamed and couldn’t face anyone. I had to drop out of school because they didn’t accept pregnant girls in the program because you have to work long hours on your feet. It was a liability thing. I’m sure it’s different today. They refunded my money and I lived on that until I got a job at Walmart to put food in my mouth. I couldn’t afford a doctor so I had to go to a free clinic. I wanted my baby to be born healthy so I tried to do everything I was supposed to. I started having contractions a month early so I drove myself to an indigent hospital. They said I wasn’t far enough along and to come back when the contractions were closer together. When I reached my apartment, the pain became severe and I asked my neighbor to drive me to the hospital again. She couldn’t stay because she had kids. By the time they saw me the placenta had separated from the baby and he was deprived of oxygen. He was dead. He died…”

  “Luc-ky.”

  “Shut up. I’m not through.” She pointed the gun at his face. “He was a beautiful baby boy and I got to hold him for a few minutes. I was in a room with three other women, but I was all alone. They had families. I had no one. I dealt with the gut-wrenching pain alone while you were in Lubbock County trying to lay every woman in sight. I feel the pain of his death every day. I feel the pain of your betrayal every day. So don’t talk to me about anger because I’d just as soon shoot you, you low-down bastard.”

  She jumped into her truck and tore out of the parking lot, spewing gravel across his chest.

  Oh, my God! His knees gave way and he sank into the rocks as a pain like he’d never known before slashed through him. The spotlight was clearly on him and his sins, but it wasn’t the one in the parking lot. It was from above, exposing the guilt that had haunted him for years.

  They’d had a child. A son.

  He’d let Lucky down and, God help him, he’d let their baby down.

  How did he live with that?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  LUCKY DROVE STEADILY HOME, breathing heavily.

  A tear slipped from her eye and she slapped it away.

  She wouldn’t cry.

  Kid Hardin would not make her cry.

  Lights flashed behind her and she pulled over. She knew it was Travis because she’d called him about the cowboys before she’d gone outside to confront them. Turning off the engine, she wiped her face with the back of her hands. Why was it wet? She wasn’t crying.

  Drawing a deep breath, she got out of the pickup. The moon was bright and she could see Travis strolling toward her.

  “There’s a man kneeling in the gravel back there. What happened?”

  “The cowboys were waiting for me. They flirted and drank most of the evening. No big amounts of cash, though. I gave you time and then I went to my truck. They were there, but Kid Hardin interrupted.”

  “Of the oil Hardins?”

  “Yes.” Her stomach clenched.

  “What was he doing there? Is he hurt?”

  “I supposed he came to see me. I didn’t know he was there until Clyde grabbed my arm and they got into a fight.”

  She could feel his eyes boring into her. “There’s a lot more to this story than you’re telling me.”

  “Kid and I have a past, but he won’t be coming back.”

  There was silence for a moment and the warmth of the night seemed to calm her shattered nerves.

  “I knew there was someone,” he said, startling her, “but I sense you didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “No.” That was the last thing she wanted. Kid was out of her life for good now.

  “I’m worried about you. You’re taking risks that you shouldn’t. You’re not ever to confront the criminals, especially alone.”

  “I knew you were on the way.”

  “That’s not the point. It’s not worth you getting hurt.”

  “Okay, I screwed up, but I didn’t want them coming back inside. They were too drunk to drive so I called Walker, the constable, and he notified the highway patrol. They’re probably being arrested as we speak. There might be some evidence in their truck.”

  “I’ll follow up on it. Your safety is my main concern and I don’t want a repeat of what happened tonight.”

  “Okay, Travis, I get the message.”

  He sighed. “Lucky, you’re so consumed with your job that it worries me. Do you even have a private life?”

  “Of course.” She was lying. She didn’t even know what a private life was anymore.

  “Lucky.”

  By the soft tone of his voice she knew the conversation was headed in a personal direction—one she wasn’t ready for and she didn’t know if she would ever be. Once burned, a lifetime shy was her motto.

  “I better check on my dad. He won’t go to bed until I’m home.”

  “I’ll see if Hardin is hurt.” He moved toward his truck. “Talk to you in the morning.”

  She slipped into her pickup and wondered what was wrong with her. Travis was a good man and with just some encouragement from her they could have a relationship. But something held her back. Maybe the past had crippled her emotionally and she wasn’t ever going to love like that again.

  When she went through the back door of the house, she heard the TV. Her dad was asleep in his chair, snoring. Picking up the remote control, she turned it off. He immediately woke up.

  “Lucky, girl, you’re late.”

  “Busy night.” She sank down by his chair and laid her head on the arm.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, sitting up.

  “I told Kid about our son tonight.”

  “Holy cow, girl, why did you go and do that? You said you never would.”

  “I don’t know. He kept asking why I was so angry and the words just came spewing out like all this venom I had inside me.” She took a breath. “I saw the hurt on his face and the pain in his eyes and I wanted to feel some kind of victory. But I didn’t. Where’s my victory, Dad? I wanted to shatter
his big ego, but all I felt was his agony.”

  “Oh, Lucky. Sometimes we think we want something and we really don’t. It’s just human nature.”

  Unable to stop them, tears flowed from her eyes. “I hurt him, Dad, and I feel more empty now than ever.”

  “Shh.” He stroked her hair. “It will be different tomorrow.”

  “I don’t think so.” She was always going to see that tortured look in Kid’s eyes. Ollie whined and she wrapped her arms around the dog. “I’ve asked myself a million times why I didn’t come home when I found out I was pregnant. Why did the town’s opinion matter so much to me? If I’d been stronger, I’d have my son today.”

  “That’s my fault. When you kept making excuses not to come home, I should have gone to Austin to see you. But I thought you were building a new life, getting over that Hardin boy. I never dreamed you weren’t in school and going through such turmoil on your own. It’s my fault for not keeping tabs on you.”

  “No, Dad, what happened is all because of me and my insecurities and my self-doubts.”

  “I should have choked the life out of old lady Farley and Mrs. Axelwood a long time ago. Nothing but vicious gossipers with narrow minds.”

  It wasn’t their fault, either. All of it lay squarely on her shoulders. She’d stood up to three drunken cowboys tonight. Why hadn’t she had that strength years ago? She’d been weak, but now she was strong and no one was going to take her pride again. Not even Kid.

  Her father continued to stroke her hair. “You know Kid will be back.”

  “Why?”

  “Remember when he was about fourteen, Chuck told him he couldn’t come over here on your birthday ’cause it was a school night? After Chuck and Carol went to bed, he cranked up the tractor and came anyway.”

  “Yeah. He brought me flowers from his mother’s garden.”

  “Damn fool woke us up.”

  “Only Kid does things like that,” she murmured.

  “Chuck grounded him for a month.”

  “I never liked Chuck Hardin.” When she was a teenager, she’d seen the man with more than one woman at The Beer Joint, about a mile from where he lived with his wife. She never understood how Chuck could do that.

  “Did you ever tell Kid what you knew?”

  “No. I couldn’t. He looked up to his father, held him on a pedestal.”

  “It was mighty hard for ol’ Chuck to maintain his balance up there.”

  She rubbed Ollie’s head. “I’m glad Carol never had to know.”

  “Mmm.”

  The year Kid’s parents had died had been sad. He’d cried in her arms several times and they’d bonded closer. From then on it was Lucky and the Kid. She’d thought nothing would ever come between them. He was more like his father than she’d ever imagined.

  KID LIFTED HIS HEAD FROM the steering wheel and saw he was parked in front of the Shilah offices in downtown Houston and it was morning. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten here. All he remembered were Lucky’s words: Our son died while you were trying to lay every woman in Lubbock County.

  They’d had a son. He’d died because of Kid’s selfish, womanizing ways. How could he? He moaned and slipped out of the truck. Unlocking the back door, he took the elevator up to the top floor. For some reason he went to Cadde’s office. Sitting in the dark, he let the pain eat away at him. He deserved it.

  Suddenly the light came on. He blinked and tried to focus on his brothers. They glanced at each other and then back to him.

  “What happened to you?” Chance asked. “Your face is blue on one side.”

  “And you look like hell,” Cadde said, sitting in his chair at the big desk.

  He could tell them. They’d understand and support him. Yet his actions were so horrible he couldn’t say the words. There were a lot of ways to excuse his behavior. Then again, none came to mind—none that would ease his conscience.

  “I gotta go.” He rose to his feet, but before he could reach the door Chance kicked it shut.

  “You’re not going anywhere until you tell us what’s wrong with you. Are you drunk?”

  “No, but I wish I were stoned out of my mind. I think I’ll go down the hall to the apartment and accomplish that feat.”

  “Sit down, Kid,” Cadde ordered. “Have you been fighting in a bar again?”

  “Outside a bar, actually.”

  “When the hell are you going to grow up?”

  Kid sank into a leather chair and buried his face in his hands. “I grew up last night.”

  “What do you mean?” Chance asked.

  “I talked to Lucky.”

  “And she hit you?” Chance was clearly shocked.

  “No. I waited until the bar closed so we could talk, but then three guys accosted her. Let’s just say they didn’t leave easily.”

  “You took on three guys?” Chance asked.

  “Yeah. I wasn’t going to let them hurt Lucky.”

  Cadde shook his head. “Was she grateful enough to sign the lease?”

  “Damn it, Cadde. I don’t give a flying pig’s ass about the lease.”

  His brother frowned. “Isn’t that why you talked to her?”

  Kid jammed his hands through his hair and wanted to pull it out by the roots, pull until there was nothing left but the pain. He drew a calming breath. “It started out that way, but she was angry and I couldn’t figure out why. So I asked and she told me in a colder-than-ice voice I’ll never forget.”

  “What did she say?” Chance took the seat next to him.

  Kid had to swallow several times. “Soon after I left for Tech she found out she was pregnant.”

  “What!” echoed around the room.

  “Kid.” Chance spoke up. “Lucky doesn’t have a child. I’m positive of that.”

  He had trouble breathing and he gulped a breath. “He…he died.”

  Silence followed those two words.

  “How?” Cadde was the first to speak.

  “Lucky had to drop out of nursing school because of the pregnancy and she had very little money. She had to go to a free clinic. When she went into labor, she went to an indigent hospital and they sent her home. The baby wasn’t due for another month. But the pains wouldn’t go away so she went back. It was too late. The placenta had separated and the baby was deprived of oxygen. Lucky dealt with all that alone.”

  “Why didn’t she call her father?” Chance wanted to know.

  “She was ashamed.”

  “She could have called Aunt Etta and she would have gotten in touch with you.”

  Kid jumped to his feet. “Don’t you dare blame Lucky or I’ll knock you out of that chair.”

  “Calm down,” Chance said. “Placing blame isn’t going to change what happened. Somehow you have to make this right with Lucky and talk without all the anger.”

  He knew that. He just didn’t know how.

  He slid into his chair, his hands clasped between his knees. “If the baby had lived, I’d have a twenty-year-old son. That’s mind-boggling.”

  “Where’s he buried?”

  He looked at Cadde. “What?”

  “When Jessie had the miscarriage, we buried the fetus so I’m sure Lucky buried a full-term baby.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that.” He was on his feet again. “I have to go and talk to Lucky.”

  “Kid.” Cadde stopped him at the door. “Chance or I will handle the lease from here.”

  “Don’t you go anywhere near her!”

  “This is important.”

  “So is my life. I supported you two when you were going through hell with Jessie and Shay. I expect the same consideration.”

  “This is about Shilah, too.”

  “Screw Shilah.” Kid pointed a finger at his brother. “If you talk to Lucky about leasing her land, I’m outta here.”

  “This is a multimillion dollar deal and I can’t just sweep it under the rug.” Cadde stood as his voice grew angry.

  “I busted my ass on those Louisiana leases and
the wells made a lot of money for Shilah so don’t tell me about the big bucks or the bottom line or I’ll…”

  “Everybody calm down.” Chance intervened and looked at Cadde. “I’m sure Shilah can wait until you get your emotions sorted out.”

  Cadde threw up his hands and sat down.

  “I’m sorry, Kid,” Chance went on. “I hope you and Lucky can get through all the bad stuff.”

  Kid nodded but didn’t say anything. It was going to take a bulldozer to get through all of his bad behavior.

  “Kid.”

  He paused at the door.

  “Take all the time you need,” Cadde said. “I’m sorry I lost my temper. Losing a child is not an easy thing.”

  Kid walked out and went to his truck. He wasn’t upset with his brothers. They were always honest with each other and he understood Cadde’s concern for Shilah. He’d worked hard to make the company a success. Kid’s focus now was on his sanity. He had to be able to look himself in the mirror every morning and know he was a good person.

  Or as close as he was ever going to get.

  He refused to think beyond that as he drove to his apartment, showered and changed clothes. Then he collapsed into his recliner and let his thoughts take him to the gates of hell. He tried to remember the faces of the women he’d been with over the years, but all he could see were the tears in Lucky’s blue eyes the day he’d left for college.

  She’d been pregnant. In the months that followed he’d never thought of that, not once. They always used protection so why would he? Why would he not? Condoms weren’t a hundred percent sure thing. The thought of her alone in Austin after the birth was almost more than he could bear. He should have been there.

  But he was eighteen years old and knew nothing about kids. After the crippling pain of losing his parents, he was eager to get away and enjoy life without a reminder of that tragic day. Freedom was like a shot of Kentucky bourbon. The more he tasted, the more he wanted. And then there were the girls who were like the roses in his mother’s garden. Each one had their own stunning appeal. He couldn’t seem to get enough. What did that make him? The biggest cad who had ever lived.

  He never forgot Lucky, though. She was always there at the back of his mind and on his conscience. The strip on his soul was completely black now.