The Bad Son (Suddenly a Parent) Page 8

Old wounds had been reopened and now he cursed himself for forcing the issue. He slowly made his way back to his place. He wouldn’t rest tonight, though. Too many painful revelations, but at least he understood Macy a little better. He knew why she wouldn’t allow herself to love him and why she showered so much attention on abused animals. She was hurting and nothing was ever going to heal that pain. Except pouring her love on someone she couldn’t hurt.

  And she was afraid of hurting him. He knew his instincts were right in deciding to stay in Waco. Macy needed him and there was no way he’d leave now. He’d bide his time, be there for her—as always, because now that Zoë was in her life she was going to need someone. Predictably, she would push him away, but as his brothers would attest he was never good at taking no for an answer.

  He and Macy were meant to be together. Now he had to convince her of that. Deep down he wondered, though, if she were still in love with her ex. She hadn’t said she wasn’t. The loss of a child had torn them apart, but how did Macy feel about Allen now?

  TELLING BEAU had a cathartic effect on Macy. She didn’t cry herself to sleep or have horrible nightmares. Beau knew. Someone else knew her pain. For years she’d kept the secret from as many people as possible, even her parents. Their friends in Dallas had known, but other than that, no one she was close to had shared her pain. That was the only way she could deal with it. Beau was different. He wouldn’t judge her or think differently about her.

  She wasn’t sure why she thought people would think differently about her. When her baby had been born, everyone at the hospital, even their friends, had been very understanding and supportive. Maybe she thought differently about herself. That was a sobering thought.

  She’d always wanted children and having that taken from her changed her perception of herself. She didn’t have that choice anymore and she felt flawed.

  Beau had asked if she still loved Allen. She didn’t. After losing the baby all they did was argue. He wanted her to go to counseling, but she refused. The pain was so deep she couldn’t share it with anyone. Allen didn’t understand her reasoning. Talking is what they needed, he’d said, but she saw the way he looked at her—with blame and guilt. Or maybe that’s the way she saw herself because Allen had really tried, but she was unresponsive.

  When Allen filed for divorce, she didn’t blame him. Their marriage was in shambles and she was inconsolable. Allen had said it was her fault the marriage had fallen apart. It was. She was to blame for everything.

  That’s why she cared for abused animals. It gave her a sense of self-worth and she loved being a caregiver. Now she would have Zoë to care for and love. She would be busy. Maybe a miracle would happen. Maybe her heart would begin to heal.

  But what did she do about Beau? He loved her. Selfishly she allowed herself to feel the joy of those words, then stored them in her heart as a keepsake of all that she was losing.

  She’d leaned on Beau for too long. That was a big mistake. She had no future to offer him, yet she couldn’t let go. Now he’d brought their relationship into the open and she had to back off and let him have a life—without her.

  BEAU SPENT MOST of the night thinking about Macy. He hadn’t understood her paranoia about Zoë, but now he did. How painful it must be for her to deal with another baby girl. However, she showed no signs of shirking the job Delia had bestowed upon her. He fervently prayed that nothing happened to Zoë.

  He was in his office by eight. After being away, he had a stack of phone messages to return. Macy was never far from his mind. He kept missing her most of the week and it wasn’t intentional. His firm had two important trials going that required his attention. When he returned home at night, the lights were always out at Macy’s and he knew she was spending every moment at the hospital.

  He was giving her time, but he didn’t intend to do that much longer.

  BY THE END OF THE WEEK the doctor removed Zoë from the incubator. They would monitor her and if she did well, Macy could take her home. She had a few nervous jitters, but she knew a lot about babies and knew she could handle it. The wheezing didn’t seem as bad and she began to believe the doctor was right. She had just overreacted because of what had happened to her.

  At the back of her mind she kept thinking that it was the end of the week. Had Beau taken the offer in Dallas? Had he made the call? As much as she wanted him to go, she just as strongly wanted him to stay. All week she had purposely avoided him and she was glad he hadn’t insisted on talking to her again. Torn by conflicting emotions, she concentrated solely on Zoë.

  BEAU MADE THE PHONE CALL on Friday and turned down the job offer with his regrets. Afterward he felt a sense of peace about his life. He was fighting for what he wanted. He was fighting for a life with Macy.

  ON SUNDAY, Macy took Zoë home. A new addition to the household caused a bit of excitement with her animals. Freckles had no interest in her at all. The dogs sniffed and whined and Macy gave them a stern lecture about baby Zoë being off-limits. They were good dogs and she knew they wouldn’t bother the baby.

  As she placed Zoë in the bassinet, the doorbell rang. Beau stood there and her pulse leaped with excitement. He wore jeans and a T-shirt, his at-home clothes, and she thought he never looked more handsome.

  “Hi. I saw you bring Zoë home. May I see her?”

  She breathed in his tangy masculine scent and her whole body relaxed. He was back and he didn’t seem upset or angry. She couldn’t believe how much she’d missed him and how much pleasure he brought her just by being so compassionate and caring. He understood her in ways no one else did.

  “Sure. I was just telling my crew about her.”

  Beau walked in and looked into the bassinet. “May I hold her?”

  “Okay, but wash your hands first. At this stage she’s susceptible to so many things.” She had no qualms about letting Beau hold Zoë. He was around Jake’s kids all the time.

  Beau headed for the kitchen and did as she asked, then he lifted Zoë into his arms as if it were something he did every day. He sat on the sofa and Macy thought how right he looked with a baby cradled in his arms. Ben and Katie loved him because he was so good with them. He deserved his own kids. She felt a catch in her throat and realized even with Beau’s kindness her decision hadn’t changed.

  “She feels as light as a feather and…” His voice trailed away as Zoë’s little fingers curled around one of his. “Oh, my.”

  Macy sat beside them. “Isn’t she adorable? Look at that bow of a mouth, those sweet cheeks and those big blue eyes.”

  Beau looked at her, his eyes soft.

  “Don’t say it,” she said.

  “I wasn’t going to say one word of caution. I’ve held her for five minutes and I’m already attached to her.” He glanced back at Zoë. “Have you heard from Delia?”

  “No, and my mother hasn’t, either.”

  “Do you have any idea where she was living?”

  “She called me one time from Las Vegas asking for money. I know because I had to pay for the call.”

  Zoë squirmed and they both focused their attention on her. After a second she went back to sleep. A tense silence followed.

  “Her wheezing is very noticeable,” he remarked, listening to Zoë breathe.

  “Yes. It’s stridor, which I’ve seen before in newborns. It’s an abnormality of the larynx. We just have to give her some time to outgrow this. I had to make sure it wasn’t her heart.”

  Beau looked at her again. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine.” She was lying.

  “No, you’re not.”

  Looking into those dark eyes she wanted to say so many things. But she didn’t. Instead she got to her feet and straightened the blanket in the bassinet.

  Beau laid Zoë in her bed and pulled the blanket over her. He glanced at Macy. “I might be out of line, but I have to say this. It’s not your fault your baby died. That would be like blaming your mother because she passed the gene to you. And it was wrong of Allen to blame you
.”

  “This is not a comfortable subject for me.”

  “I know. I’m next door if you need anything.” With that he walked out.

  Macy stared after him with her mouth open. She quickly closed it. He was such an exceptional man and she couldn’t have loved him more than she did at that moment. But she still had a lot of fears to conquer. She was so glad Beau wasn’t angry with her anymore.

  He hadn’t said a word about the job offer. She wanted to ask but felt she didn’t have that right. Was he leaving?

  She sank down by Zoë. “It’s just you and me, kiddo.” Lefty barked. “And you, too.”

  But she needed more. She needed Beau. Would she ever feel she had the right to tell him?

  BEAU VISITED Zoë every day and he and Macy resumed their easy, comfortable relationship. He told her he wasn’t taking the offer in Dallas and she seemed relieved. But there was an underlying tension that they both could feel. Beau ignored it, intending to break through Macy’s defenses. It might take time, but he could wait. But he wondered just how long.

  Caleb turned up a lot on Allen Graves. He was a pharmaceutical salesman in Dallas and he’d remarried. He now had a son and was knee deep in debt. He had no criminal history—just a couple of traffic tickets. Being a big spender seemed to be his only crime.

  He felt guilt about spying on Macy’s past. At the time he thought Allen might have been abusing her and Beau was looking for answers. He now had those answers.

  On Delia, Caleb had very little. She had a Las Vegas address, but had moved out months ago. After that there was no trace of her. Where was Delia? And when did she plan to come back?

  The brothers had their monthly meeting at the same café where Beau and Tuck had met. It was the midway point for all of them.

  After ordering, they discussed family matters. “Beau’s having a midlife crisis,” Jake said, squeezing lemon into his tea.

  “You want to talk about what’s going on with you?” Caleb asked.

  Beau shifted in his chair. “I’m not moving to Dallas,” he told them as the waitress served steaks all around.

  “Hear, hear,” Jake said. “Now we can stop worrying about you.”

  “Have you told Mom and Dad?” Caleb asked.

  “No. I wanted to do that in person, but they’re visiting Gertie in Austin at the moment. I’ll let them know as soon as they return.”

  “Beau,” Eli asked, “how do you think this family would survive without you?”

  “You’d manage.”

  “But who’d bug the crap out of us?”

  Beau cut into his steak with a grin. “I’m not the only one with that kind of talent.”

  “But you do it so well, and what about our brother get-togethers?” Eli continued. “I like our basketball time where we can get down and dirty and I can kick your asses.”

  “Yeah, right.” Jake laughed. “We just enjoy showing that we’re middle-age crazy.”

  “It took us a long time to become a family and we all want it to stay that way,” Caleb said.

  “That’s for sure,” Jake agreed.

  Caleb looked at Beau. “How are things with Macy?”

  “I told her how I feel and I’m optimistic about the future.”

  Dead silence followed his words.

  “You told her how you feel?” Eli asked, shock on his face.

  “Yes. After seven years I thought it was time.”

  “Evidently she didn’t respond in kind.”

  “It’s complicated,” Beau said, not ready to share Macy’s secret.

  “Hell, man, just telling a woman those words takes a lot of guts, and believe me I know. I almost lost Caroline because I couldn’t.” They all knew Eli’s story and his problems with the “I love you” factor. Seems all the McCain brothers suffered similar maladies.

  Eli looked at his watch.

  “Will you stop that.” Tuck glared at him.

  “I don’t want to leave Caroline too long.”

  “She’s two months pregnant and not even showing. Her sister, Grace, is with her, so relax.”

  Eli shook his head. “Man, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  The brothers laughed.

  “It’s not funny. It’s scary as hell. We’re bringing this small life into the world and we’re totally responsible for it.”

  “It comes easy,” Jake said. “Trust me, and there’s not another feeling in the world like it.”

  Eli nodded. “I’m looking forward to being a father.”

  “If Caroline doesn’t kill you first.” Tuck smiled slightly.

  “I know I’m driving her crazy.”

  Tuck patted him on the back. “Relax, have a beer and let Caroline enjoy her evening with her sister.”

  The easy camaraderie between the brothers helped Beau to unwind. He would have missed their meetings, but love makes a man do crazy things. He’d told them that he was optimistic and he was. Other than that he wasn’t ready to share anything else.

  He stood. “Tuck and I have a pool game to finish.”

  “Great. I’ll play the winner.” Eli also got to his feet.

  “What do you think, little brother?” Jake asked Caleb. “Want to try to beat me in a game of pool?”

  “You’re on,” Caleb replied, glancing at his watch. “But I want to get home to Josie pretty soon.”

  Tuck grinned. “You married guys are pathetic.”

  Eli slapped him on the back. “Your day is coming. You may not believe that, but it is.”

  “Yeah,” Jake said, getting to his feet. “We all like our freedom until the right woman comes along. And come to think of it I have a wife at home who won’t go to bed without me, so let’s get this pool game started.”

  It was after ten when Beau pulled into his garage. Macy’s light was on and he wanted to go over and see Zoë. He wasn’t sure Macy was getting much sleep since she watched Zoë constantly. He knew she was worried about Zoë’s breathing. After what had happened to her baby, she had a reason to be. Having total responsibility for a child had to be scary, like Eli had said. And for Macy it was even worse.

  He decided not to go over. It was late and he had to be in court early. Besides, he knew Macy had already put Zoë down for the night. He could say he’d forgotten just to get to see Macy, to make sure she was okay. He didn’t do that, either. Instead he went to bed.

  ZOË HAD BEEN FUSSY all day and Macy had spent a lot of time holding her. The noisy inspiratory breathing was more prominent when Macy was feeding her. A lot of the milk ran out of her mouth and Macy was worried about how much milk she was actually taking in.

  When Macy laid her down, she seemed to gulp for air. Macy immediately picked her up. It was a pattern she’d followed all day and she was exhausted. After feeding Zoë one more time, she held her until she fell asleep, then gently placed her in the bassinet next to Macy’s bed.

  Hurriedly she took a shower and slipped into an oversized T-shirt. She turned off the lights, leaving on a night-light. Lucky and Lefty were in their beds in the kitchen. Freckles rested on the sofa in the living room, her favorite spot. Sometimes the pets slept in her room, but she had to stop that now with a baby in the house, just in case Zoë had allergies.

  Macy watched Zoë closely. Her features were serene and peaceful. So tiny, so fragile and so very precious. How could Delia leave her? When Delia was born, Macy was the happiest ten-year-old on the planet. She’d always wanted a sister and having one was better than she’d ever imagined.

  Irene complained that Delia didn’t know who her mother was because Delia would rather be with Macy than anyone. Delia cried a lot as a baby and she always needed attention. Then began the unruly years of running, jumping, screaming and talking incessantly. Her parents knew Delia had problems.

  Several doctor visits proved them right and thus began many years of trying to manage Delia and her medication. Her temper tantrums were common and seemed to get worse as she got older. She’d throw them in the supermarke
t, at the movies and in church, anywhere to get her way. The adults usually gave in. Her parents fought about disciplining Delia all the time. But Macy always felt Delia had a good heart and that would win out.

  Then Macy went away to college and her parents started having problems in their marriage. The divorce hit them all hard and neither Irene nor Macy could control Delia. She was resentful, bitter and started skipping classes. When Delia ran away the first time, it was a wake-up call, but nothing Irene nor Macy said got through to Delia. And Ted, their father, was nowhere to be found.

  Macy had no answers as to why Delia would abandon her baby, but she had some pretty good guesses. Delia was overwhelmed, confused and scared. Macy just wanted her to call so they could work this out.

  Her eyes grew heavy and she wondered why Beau hadn’t come by tonight. Then she remembered it was the last Friday of the month—the brothers’ meeting. She’d see him tomorrow.

  She didn’t know how long she was asleep when she stirred with an uneasy feeling. Opening one eye, she peeped at Zoë, who was so still and her face was…blue. Ohmygod! Macy leaped from the bed, grabbed her and shook her gently. Zoë gulped and began crying at the top of her lungs.

  Macy’s heart was beating so fast that she couldn’t think, but one thing blared like a siren in her mind. Zoë wasn’t breathing! Zoë wasn’t breathing! If she hadn’t woken up, the baby would have died. In the morning…Macy trembled from head to toe. With a shaky hand, she reached for the phone, carefully balancing wailing Zoë on her shoulder.

  As soon as she heard the click of the receiver, she breathed, “Beau…Beau…” then her vocal cords closed up.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  AT THE SOUND OF TERROR in Macy’s voice, Beau sprang from the bed and was at her door in less than fifteen seconds. Macy stood in the open doorway, her hair in disarray, gently cuddling a screaming Zoë. Tears streamed down Macy’s face and his gut twisted into a hard, painful knot.